Say You'll Stay
by every-step-of-the-way
Summary: "Jude," Connor started, "Do you know how much trouble I'll be in if anyone finds out about this? My father will kill me!" What happened on that seventh grade camping trip? Will Jude and Connor's friendship fall apart, or turn into something more? Includes multiple kisses and a mild amount of angst.


"Jude... What happened in that tent?" Lena asked her adoptive son. Stef sat next to him and rubbed his back consolingly. He was having a hard time confessing his actions from the week before.

Jude took a deep breath. "Connor and I... we kissed. Multiple times." He blushed and looked down at the floor, trying to avoid the shocked stares of his moms.

"What?" Lena asked incredulously.

Jude looked up with fear and a touch of hysteria in his eyes. "I know I shouldn't have done it, I'm sorry! Please don't put me back in foster care!"

Lena softened her stare. "Jude, sweetie, calm down. You're not going back into foster care. We adopted you remember?" She wrapped an arm around his small, slightly shaking frame. Stef had her head in her hands. Her wife had quit her job, and now it turned out it was for no good reason at all.

"Start from the beginning." Stef requested.

"Well..." Jude trailed off. He started to tell his story.

* * *

><p>"Hey Jude, pass the goldfish!" Connor said from across the tent, gesturing to the carton that lay near Jude's feet.<p>

Jude shot him an exasperated smile. "Get up and get it yourself, lazy!" he said.

Connor huffed, "Ugh fine." He got up, picked up the carton and sat next to Jude on his sleeping bag. "I can't believe we go back tomorrow." Connor said, popping a few goldfish into his mouth.

"I know," Jude said, "I miss my family but I'm also really going to miss it here." He snatched a few goldfish from the container Connor was holding.

"I don't miss my family and I wish we could stay here forever!" Connor said, falling back on Jude's sleeping bag so that he was lying down. Jude giggled at his antics.

"Come on, Connor! Don't you miss TV? Actual bathrooms? Pizza rolls?" Jude said, prodding at him.

Connor sat up on his elbows and blew a few stray hairs out of his face. "Well yeah, but living out here is just so peaceful, you know?"

"Yeah. I get it."

Connor sat back up and nudged Jude with his shoulder. "So, how will we celebrate our last night out here?" He asked as he raised his eyebrows.

Jude thought for a moment. "How about two truths and a lie?"

"What's that?" Connor asked him with a confused expression.

Jude explained. "It's where I tell you three things about myself. Two of them are true and one of them is a lie. And you have to tell which one is a lie."

Connor nodded eagerly. "That sounds fun! Let's play."

Jude went first. "Okay. Number one: Mac and cheese is my favorite food. Number two: my favorite color is green. Number 3: I have a secret obsession with Pretty Little Liars." He blushed at that last one, but looked the other way so that his face was hidden from Connors. "So, which one do you think is the lie?"

Connor thought for a few moments, dramatically scratching his chin. "Hmm... Is it number 3?"

"Nope." Jude said smugly, a grin on his face.

Connors eyes widened in realization. "Dude. There's no way you watch Pretty Little Liars."

Jude shrugged, a bit embarrassed. "I do." He quickly changed the subject. "Number one was false. My favorite food is ice cream."

Connor looked at him incredulously. "That's not a food, that's a desert!" He exclaimed.

Jude stuck his tongue out at him. "Deserts are food!"

Connor looked at him exasperatedly. "Whatever. It's my turn."

"Okay go."

"Hold on I'm thinking!"

Jude rolled his eyes playfully. "Hurry up!"

Connor grinned and threw his hands up in defense. "Okay, okay! Number one: I have a scar on my lower stomach. Number two: my favorite superhero is batman. Number three: my favorite sport is baseball. Now, which one is the lie?"

Jude thought for a moment. "Number one." He guessed, and could immediately tell from the smug look on Connor's face that he was wrong.

"Nope! The wrong one was number two. Superman always trumps Batman." He stated.

Jude looked at him inquisitively. "You have a scar?" He asked.

Connor nodded. "Yep! See?" He lifted up his shirt to reveal a thin pink scar that trailed a few inches from his lower stomach from his hipbone.

Jude, however, was not looking at the scar; his best friend had some seriously nice abs. Over the past couple of months, Jude had started to have feelings for his handsome best friend. Not just any feelings: romantic feelings. He had yet to define his sexuality, though, and he never really felt the need to. But whatever sexuality he was, it definitely included Connor. His cheeks were tinted pink and he uttered "Whoa."

Connor thought he was looking at his scar, so he shrugged nonchalantly. "My scar's not that cool, Jude. You can touch it if you want."

Jude looked at him with a look that Connor couldn't put his finger on. "Connor-" He started, hesitant.

Connor smiled softly. "Jude it's fine. It doesn't hurt, it's just a scar."

Jude tentatively reached a hand out and brushed his thumb over the scar. Connor smiled shyly at him. Gaining confidence, Jude pressed his small hand to the beginning of the pale scar at the bottom of Connor's abdomen. Connor shivered from the contact.

"How did you get it?" Jude asked, sliding his hand along the scar.

Connor almost wished that he hadn't invited Jude to touch his scar. It was too… distracting. Connor collected his thoughts and said, "Oh it's from what I was six. I fell off a swing set." Jude's hand was sending sparks up his stomach where it was perched. _Is that normal?_ Connor thought nervously, grinding his teeth together.

Both Connor and Jude were disappointed when Jude took his hand away. Connor smoothed down his shirt. After a few moments of silence, Jude looked over at Connor. "You're not the only one with a scar, you know. I have one too." He said slyly.

Connor looked over at him with his smile and his dimples and Jude just wanted to _melt_. "It's probably not as cool as my scar. Just saying." Both boys smiled at Connor's teasing. He looked at Jude expectantly. "Oh come on, let's see your totally-not-as-cool scar." He teased again, nudging him with his shoulder good-naturedly.

Jude's smile dropped a bit and he bit his lip. "Just… don't make fun of me." Jude pleaded.

Connor looked at his friend, quite confused. "Jude, you know I would never- why are you taking off your shirt?" He asked, his cheeks tinted pink. Jude's hands grasped the bottom of his pajama shirt and are pulled up to expose a new expanse of skin that Connor had never seen before. Connor's heart stuttered a bit when the shirt came completely off. Jude was not muscular by any means, but he was bony and fragile looking and just so _Jude_ that Connor couldn't help but want to wrap his arms around him.

Jude blushed under his friend's gaze. "Just look, Connor." He turned around to show him his back where his scar is.

As soon as Jude turned around, Connor gasped. A couple of scars lined Jude's back, but the most prominent one wrapped all the way around his side and disappeared at his hipbone. "Whoa." Connor said as he took in the expanse of the scars. He looked at his friend worriedly. "Jude-"

Jude cut him off, wrapping his arms around himself and refusing to meet Connor's worried gaze. "Got them from foster home number four," He said quietly, "The lady broke a vase on my back."

Connor wondered how evil you have to be to hurt Jude. "Does it still hurt?" He asked worriedly.

"No. I'm just kind of self conscious about it." He said in a soft tone, not meeting Connor's eyes.

Connor tilted Jude's chin up with his finger. "You don't need to be. You're still beautiful." He waited a few moments before what he said really sinks in. "Um, okay, maybe beautiful isn't the right word to-"

Jude cut him off with a laugh. "I think the word you're looking for is manly." He said as he flexed his non-existent muscles and giggled.

Connor smiled at him fondly. "Jude, you are a lot of things but manly is not one of them." They laughed a little bit more before settling down. "Can I touch it?" Connor asked hesitantly.

Jude nodded and said, "Sure." Connors hand touched his back. Jude's breath got caught in his throat. After a few moments of Connor's hand trailing down his scar, Jude's eyes widened. _Please don't touch my side_, Jude thought, _Please_- "Ah!" Jude exclaimed when Connor's hand touched his side.

Connor retracted his hand as quickly as he could. "What's the matter?" He asked in a panic, "Did I hurt you? Are you okay?"

"I'm alright, I'm just ticklish." Jude explained sheepishly. He grabbed his shirt from the floor and put it back on.

Connor looked at him mischievously. "You mean like this?" He asked, launching a full-fledged tickle war on the boy. He straddled himself over Jude's small form to get a better advantage. He relentlessly ran his nimble fingers over Jude's sides.

"Ahh! Connor, stop it! Hahaha! Connor stop!" Jude was uncontrollably laughing so hard that his sides hurt and his lungs threatened to give out.

"Never! You have to call me the coolest, best, most handsome boy in the world." Connor declared dramatically, leaning closer to Jude.

"Okay, okay!" Jude said, as Connor toned down the tickling. He took a deep breath. "Connor," He started, just realizing that they were face to face. "You are the coolest, best, most handsome boy in the whole world." He said quietly, looking up into Connor's eyes. He never realized how close their faces were until now. There were only a couple inches between their noses.

"Don't you forget it." Connor breathed, also just now realizing their proximity. His gaze flickered down to Jude's lips. His heart was beating loudly in his chest.

"I won't." Jude whispered, looking up through his dark lashes at Connor's intense gaze.

That's all it took for Connor's resolve to break.

He pressed his lips softly against Jude's. Jude's lips were warm and soft and fireworks were shooting and his whole boy was tingling and-

Connor quickly pushed Jude away from him. "No! I can't do this. I'm not gay. I can't be gay." He choked out, running his hands through his hair.

"Connor..." Jude trailed off, his tone full of concern and hurt.

"Jude," Connor started, "Do you know how much trouble I'll be in if anyone finds out about this? My father will _kill_ me!" He was on the verge of hysteria, Jude noted worriedly.

Jude sat down next to his best friend. "Hey Connor, it will all be okay-" Jude reached out to rub Connor's back consolingly, but the second his hand touched him, Connor shrank away from his touch.

"No it won't!" Connor argued, "and it doesn't help that you are just sitting there looking adorable all the time and I just want to kiss you _so badly-_" He cut himself off and threaded his fingers back through his hair again.

"What's stopping you?" Jude asked quietly.

Connor took a deep breath and calmed down a little bit. "I'm scared. Jude, you're my best friend. I can't lose you." He confessed as he looked up, finally meeting Jude's gaze.

"You won't." Jude promised, and that was all Connor needed to hear.

Connor reconnected their lips for a brief moment before they heard someone starting to unzip their tent. They shot away from each other, practically flying to opposite sides of the tent. Once the door was unzipped enough, Lena stuck her head through; oblivious to what she had just interrupted.

"Hey boys! Is everything okay in here?" She asked.

"H-Hey mom!" Jude stuttered, "Everything is fine. We were just getting ready to wind down."

"Alright, well lights out is in 5 minutes. Goodnight boys!" Lena said, withdrawing from the tent and zipping the door back up.

"Goodnight mom!" Jude said as her footsteps grew quieter and quieter.

Connor followed suit. "Goodnight Mrs. Adams-Fost-MPH!" Before he could get his whole sentence out, Jude silenced him with a soft kiss.

Then, no longer was it a soft kiss. Urgency and passion snuck in, urging them to deepen the kiss. Jude's arms wrapped around Connor's waist, pulling their bodies together in a fervent clash. Connor buried one hand in Jude's hair and snaked the other arm around the smaller boy's waist. Jude let out an audible little moan, and Connor swore it was the hottest thing he had ever heard in his life.

Connor trailed soft kisses down Jude's jaw and neck and the smaller boy giggled.

Reluctantly, Connor pulled away Jude. "You can't tell any one about this" Connor said, tracing circles on the small of Jude's back.

"Okay" Jude said hollowly. He hated keeping secrets, but Connor seemed really worried.

For Connor, he could keep a secret.

Connor grasped his shoulders lightly and looked Jude dead in the eye. "Not even your moms. I mean it. If my dad found out- I mean, my dad didn't even want me sharing a tent with you, can you imagine what he would say if he found out we- we-"

"We kissed?" Jude offered, blushing. Connor awkwardly removed his hands from Jude's shoulders.

"Yeah." He finished lamely. To think: less than a minute ago they were kissing. Not just any kissing, but _real full on kissing_.

An awkward silence passed. Jude looked at his best friend and noticed how conflicted he looked. "Connor," Jude said cautiously, "you know I'm not one for labels, but do you possibly think that you could be attracted to boys?"

Connor sighed and scrunched his face together as if he were in pain. "That's the thing, Jude. I've never been attracted to any boys except you. Lots of girls, but no boys." Connor looked anywhere but Jude.

The small boy was surprised, but also very touched. He lightly trailed his fingers on Connor's jaw and he softly guided his best friend's lips to his own. Their lips pressed firmly against each other for a moment or two.

_I should not be doing this_, Connor thought, _my father will KILL me! I need to stop before I get in too deep. Dad says this is a sin. _He roughly pushed back on Jude's shoulders, tearing his lips away from the other boy's and moving to the opposite side of the tent as if he had been burned by the kiss. Jude looked at him with a little confusion and a lot of hurt in his expression. "Jude I can't do this. I'll be disowned! My father…" Connor trailed off, running a hand through is hair.

Jude looked at his friend worriedly. "Connor…" He started, moving towards the other boy to comfort him.

"Don't touch me, Jude!" Connor said, shrinking back. If he let Jude touch him, Connor was pretty sure that he would grab onto the brunette boy and never stop kissing him. Jude, however, took this as an act of disgust and rejection.

Jude was mortified. He should have known better. A lump rose in his throat. How could someone like Connor ever want someone like him? While Connor was turned away, his eyes welled up with tears and he hugged himself tightly. Was it the _scars_? Was it because he wasn't _attractive_ enough? Was it because he was a _nerd_ or _shy_ or even just because he was a _boy_?

Another awkward moment passed. Neither boy would meet the other's gaze. "We should probably turn the lights out before Lena comes back." Connor said quietly.

"O-Okay" Jude choked out, trying to suppress his tears.

Connor's head shot up, and he looked at Jude worriedly. _Is Jude… crying?_ Connor thought. _Did I do that?_ "Jude? What-"

"Just turn the lights out." Jude snapped, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve and putting on a brave face.

Connor walked over to the large lantern in the middle of the tent and switched it off. He got back into his sleeping bag and pulled it tight around him. Guilt was welling in his chest, threatening to suffocate him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like… like…" Connor trailed off, not knowing what to say. He was met with silence from the other boy. Connor sighed and flipped over on to his side so that he was facing Jude. He could just barely see the small frame of the boy, which appeared to be shaking a little.

"Jude, are you cold?" He asked.

"What? No..." Jude grumbled, still a little hurt. After a few more seconds, his teeth started to chatter. "M-Maybe…" He admitted, wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to keep warm.

"Come here." Connor said, patting a space next to him in his extra large sleeping bag.

Jude was glad it was dark, because he was pretty sure that he was blushing. "What?" he asked, a little stunned.

"My sleeping bag is a thermal," Connor explained, "and if we get in it then extend your sleeping bag to be a blanket, we should get like triple the warmth."

"Okay." Jude said a little reluctantly. He unzipped his sleeping bag and crawled over to Connor, climbing into the warm sleeping bag. Connor helped him wrap his unzipped sleeping bag around the two of them.

Jude waited a moment before declaring softly, "You're right. This is warmer."

"Jude, I'm sorry I just-" words spilled from Connors mouth, but he got cut off.

"It's okay. I understand. I just wish that you wouldn't push me away sometimes, you know? You can talk to me, Connor." Jude said. They were facing each other and that their faces were inches apart. "I know that your dad disapproves and that you're confused about what you're feeling. I just want what's best for you. If that means that you never want us to kiss again or be anything more than friends, then I'm okay with that. What I want, above anything, is to be in your life, Connor. I don't care if it's not as more than friends. I can get over it. All I want is for you to be happy."

Connor's heart melted. If he had had any doubt about what he was feeling for Jude, it was gone. His heart swelled as he closed the small gap that set them apart.

When Connor kissed him again, Jude's eyes widened in surprise. He was not expecting this. His heart pounded and butterflies churned violently in his stomach as Connor place a hand on his hip and pulled him closer into the kiss. Connor slowly pulled away, cupping Jude's face with his hand and rubbing his thumb over his cheek in a tender motion.

"You make me happy, Jude." Connor whispered. Jude smiled and kissed the tip of his best friends nose.

Connor's dad intruded his thoughts once again… Connor couldn't let his dad find out. He had to keep his secret safe. If his secret was safe, that meant that he and Jude were safe from his father's wrath. "Remember, you can't tell anyone about this. Promise?" Connor asked Jude, hoping he wouldn't make him upset again.

"I promise." Jude said, albeit a little somberly. Connor wrapped him up in his arms, their limbs intertwined comfortably. They fell asleep in each other's embrace.

"Wake up rise and shine campers! We start the trek home in a half hour! Jude, Connor, you up?" Lena asked, banging on the outside of their tent. Connor's eyes fluttered open first.

"Yep! We're up!" he said, his voice a bit scratchy. He yawned and noticed that Jude's eyes were fluttering open. When the smaller boy noticed their position, he blushed a little bit, the tips of his ears turning red.

"Good!" Lena yelled to them while walking away to attend to her other important duties. "Time to start packing up, kiddos!

"Good morning." Jude yawned, his eyes fluttering sleepily. He gently kissed Connor on the tip of his nose again, just as he had done the night prior.

"Good morning" Connor reciprocated.

Jude sighed sadly. "I guess it's time to go, isn't it."

"Yeah." Connor replied solemnly, unzipping his sleeping bag and getting out of it. Jude quickly followed suit.

Connor swallowed the lump that was building in his throat. "Jude... You know we can never do this again, right?" He asked miserably.

"If that's what you want." Jude said softly, looking down.

"Hey, look at me." Connor said, putting a finger under Jude's chin and guiding his gaze back up to his own. "You'll always be my best friend." He promised, giving Jude a tight hug.

Jude returned the hug, and after a few moments the two boys separated. They packed up their things quickly, awkwardly avoiding eye contact, and started to prepare for the ride home…

* * *

><p>"After that things became increasingly awkward and then the whole thing with Connor's dad happened and I wanted to tell you so bad but I promised him and-"<p>

Lena wrapped her arms around the young boy consolingly. "Jude, honey, it's okay." The young boy had tears running down his face, ashamed that he had hidden this big of a secret from his parents.

"I'm so sorry." He said, his bottom lip trembling

"It's okay, sweetie. Well get through this." Stef said, patting his knee. A look of concern passed between Lena and Stef.

"I-I don't know what to do all I know is how I feel and I really, really like him and I'm sorry-" Jude babbled. He was cut off by a huge hug from both of his moms.

Lena rested her chin on the top of Jude's head. "Jude, calm down, okay? We love you no matter what. We're not angry at you for kissing Connor."

"We love you, Jude." Stef continued, "We'll figure this out together.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you don't want to come with us, Jude?" Stef asked her adopted son as she grabbed her car keys from off of the counter.<p>

Jude nodded. "That's okay. You guys go to the movie without me." He said, looking back down at his half finished book. It had been almost two weeks since the seventh grade camping trip, and things between him and Connor had been... tense. He just really needed some time to himself.

Lena bent down and kissed his forehead. "Okay sweetie. Just make sure all your homework is finished." Jude's lips quirked into a small smile.

"Okay moms. Love you." He said, getting back to his book.

"Love you too!" They simultaneously shouted. Jude heard the front door slam as he continued to read his book.

* * *

><p>Five minutes after his moms left, Jude heard the doorbell ring. Jude looked at the door confusedly. Who could be visiting the house? Mariana was with her friends from dance and Jesus was with his wrestling team, so that ruled those two and their friends out. Brandon was with his band and Callie was working, so it wasn't them either.<p>

Jude got up and answered the front door. As soon as he swung it open, his jaw dropped in surprise.

"Connor?" He asked, surprised. He wasn't allowed to be here! His dad would kill him and-

His train of thought was interrupted by Connor stepping over the threshold, grabbing his face, and kissing him like the world was about to end.


End file.
